No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
