You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
