i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
