evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize