Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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