see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize