I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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