apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
