Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
