went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
