that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
