I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
