I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All the doctor said was why
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
