I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
