The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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