Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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