So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
