so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
