Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize