Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sober January is a disaster.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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