You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
