so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
