This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
