And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
