he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
