Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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