It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
