I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
