it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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