Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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