His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
