they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
