it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
