I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
