Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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