Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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