so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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