This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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