Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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