This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
