some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
