I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
