Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
