glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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