Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
