So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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