I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
