i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
