Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
