Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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