Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize