Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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