my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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