At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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