i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
