I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
