Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
