Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
