we're chasing vodka with high fives
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
