I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
