why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
