This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
