I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
