Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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