so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
