you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize