I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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