Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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