I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
