Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize