Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
