i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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