That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
