Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
