I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
